Post by EVERMORE MAKYNSIE ROMANCE on Jan 28, 2010 16:57:54 GMT -5
evermore crumpled her paper, and threw it viciously, yet without care at the waste basket. her dull number two pencil tapped on her writing journal, impatiently, as she waited for something to come to her. her guitar sat on her lap, waiting to be played. her mind, though, was farther zoned out than it had been in years. she hated not knowing things, and wondering, and waiting. evermore was impatient. she always had been. she groaned, and rubbed her eyes, before stretching, and putting her guitar beside her on the floor. she got up, and walked over to the mirror, poking her abdomen, not at all discreetly. she was critically analyzing her newly gained weight. she absolutely abhored the programs that instructed her daily, to gain back her lost weight, and so forth. they weighed weekly, and monitored her food intake, which was almost as annoying as her hous had been when her father had found out. she rolled her eyes, pulled off her tee shirt, her hands barely touching the keys of her piano. she adjusted her camisole, and sat on the cold tique piano bench. she began the opening scales of of a fine frenzy's almost lover. "your fingertips across my skin, the palm trees swaying in the wind. images." she began quietly. her mind was all over jake, and what had become. he was back, and he'd never abandoned nor left her without proper reasons. it began to get messy. her vision got a little blurry, as her eyes teared up. "goodbye my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream." there was his brother, that she'd never thought would hurt her as he had, "should've known you'd bring me heartache." her voice steadied out a bit, but had cracked a little before. "like all almost lovers always do." she shook her head, and kept playing. this was her thing. it wasn't going to get her down like she was letting it. she had jake. she had dee. she was slowly regaining her self-esteem bit by bit. but on days like this, especially days like this, when she was in overdrive thoughts of jake, and his brother she just wanted to curl up in a ball and hole away in her room. on days like this, she needed her two best friends the most. she worried, at times, that the newly forming crush on jake wasn't right. but then, she looked at delilah and dallas, who were practically the poster couple for best friends falling in love. her doubts didn't assure her it didn't happen. it merely assured her that it could, but wouldn't. how was she to tell him? oh hey, by the way, when your brother left me heartbroken i seemed to come to my senses and realize i like you? no. she wasn't this type. not bold, nor shy. she was merely evermore. afraid of being in love, afraid of not finding love, and afraid of losing out on love. she'd been hurt prior, and by his own flesh and blood, thus her fears were justified. or were they? her mind kept telling her they weren't. that jake wasn't like his brother in any shape or form. but she knew better. he was in many senses, just not in the traditional ones. he was better to women, to her, to everyone. and he cared. even delilah had said he'd cared. but how much? and how little? enough to try and cross the line between just friends, to more than? probably not. and what if she told him and then lost her best friend? then it would be too late, much too late to go back, regroup, and be calm.
she laid her head on the piano, and sighed, her door open, and her heart heavy.
