you make my dreams (jackie)

[MICHAEL AUSTIN HATCHETT]

To be honest, Michael didn't even know what he was doing in a place like this. It wasn't like he hated teaching... it was his passion, like the one thing he was actually naturally good at... aside from math, of course. But God, working on a school like this was just... a bad idea to begin with. Really. If he applied anywhere else, he would have no idea how to explain why the hell would he teach math in a school for insane people... except of course if she said his best friend in the entire world made him. And that was just stupid. But true. Because really, Jackie made him do a lot of things he didn't want to do in the first place but he did anyway, just because it was her asking or making him to. Like that time when she forced him to go to senior prom and he ended up watching dozens of guys flirt with her all night. That wasn't even fun. Or that time she made him go to a karaoke bar with her, forced him to drink to the point that he was drunk and then made him sing Shakira. And hten videotaped it. Really. Sometimes, he thought he had the worst friend in the world. Only not really. Because God, Jackie was the best thing that ever happened to him. They had been best friends for as long as he could remember. It was just one of those rare things that came easily to him, being friends with her. He could talk to her about anything and so could she. Really, there was nothing about her he didn't know... and vice-versa. Like, she knew about him being bitter about his parents' divorce... even though, technically, his parents still talked. They just weren't married anymore. And she knew about his insane belief about soul mates and finding "The One" and didn't think he was stupid for believing in it. And she also knew about him getting that blow job from a girl with braces... and basically gave him the ice for it later on. Ha. Or about the time he went through this weird Jesus phase and literally had long hair and walked around shirtless everywhere. Yeah, he didn't know why he did that, to be honest.

Really, his friendship with Jackie was a rare thing. He knew that. Friendships died all the time over the years, mainly because of distance and lack of... whatever. But not them. They had been pretty much together since day one. They went to the same high school together, the same university and now, they worked in the same school. Although he knew that even though, for one reason or another, they'd be apart, he was always going to be best friends with her. And that was the problem right there. He didn't want to be just best friends with her. He wanted to be with her. Literally. And God, he had no idea how long ago exactly he had been harboring these feelings for her. She had always been just... Jackie. His best friend. Practically his sister. And somewhere along the lines, she had become Jackie... the girl he was sure he was meant to be with. At first, it had been so easy to laugh and roll his eyes whenever his dad would say that he and Jackie looked good together, or whenever his mom mistook Jackie as his girlfriend because really, it was usually so easy to think they were dating. They were just close like that. But... it had become increasingly difficult to ignore. And for the longest time ever, he was in denial.. Denial about him wanting more than just friendship, denial about him noticing how pretty she looked one day, denial about him getting annoyed whenever he saw other guys flirting with her, and pretty much denial about everything he felt for her... at least until she called him one day and told him she was engaged. To his best friend of all fucking people.

Really, Michael could have died right then and there. A lot had happened at that moment that he wasn't talking as he tried to let it settle in... for one thing, he had realized that he did love her. He always had and he had been too much of an idiot to actually realize it. And she was getting married. To his best friend. And his life was pretty much fucked now. And okay, maybe he should have told his best friend that he wanted Jackie but God... he wasn't even sure of what he felt for her then. And now he was. And he hated his life. It had been the biggest struggle for him to sound cheerful over the phone, and tell her he was happy for her. It was still a struggle now, to listen to her talk about him endlessly, like she was so in love, like this engagement was the best thing that ever happened to her. What about him? Wasn't he the best thing thing that ever happened to her? And the worst part was, the more he tried to deny it, the more it became increasingly clear to him... no matter what he thought, he wouldn't always be her best friend. She'd get married, have kids, and forget about him. And he had to watch them both do it, with a fake, enthusiastic smile on his face and do nothing about it. Because he just had to be a good friend. He hated his life. Really.

It was then that he decided that it would be a good idea to take a walk... get out of that crazy place. Really, being in this place was enough to make anyone insane. He rubbed his eyes tiredly as he walked outside, not at all expecting anyone to be out here. And yet, there she was... the last girl he wanted to see. And at the same time, the only girl he wanted to see. This was torture, basically torture... to be with her this way, and not to be with her the way he really wanted to be. He walked up to her, giving her a hug from behind. "Hey prude." He said teasingly, before giving her a kiss on the cheek. A friendly kiss, thank you very much. Only it didn't feel like one to him... he felt the familiar swooping sensation at the pit of her stomach... and hated the situation even more. Really, he should have just walked past her. But he couldn't. He never could. "What are you doing out here?"

TAGGED
jackiebby
STATUS
finisheddd
WORD COUNT
1178
NOTE
best jackael plot of life

[/center]

[JACKIE ISABELLA CHANCE]

Growing up, Jackie had always kind of known that she wanted to teach. Pretty much ever since she started going to school and realized that teachers, were quite literally, the nicest people on earth. Or at least the one she had way back in kindergarten. She’d kind of thought of her teacher more like a mother than her own mother…who mostly just sat around all day and drank wine out of her fancy wine glasses. And pretty much the second she met her, she realized she wanted to be like that. Okay, maybe she wasn’t really much like that now…for one, she taught much older kids. Usually sophomore’s and juniors. And okay, her students were all insane, no, they were literally all fucking crazy. Most of them were certifiably crazy, and yet oddly enough, she loved working here…which was why she’d kind of dragged her best friend, Michael, along for the ride. But she honestly liked it here better than anywhere with “sane” kids, or whatever…the kids here were all sweet…once you got under their shell. And half the fun was getting under their shell. And sure, it might not be some expensive school, and her didn’t get paid much, but it was fun. And her job was great, even if a lot of students didn’t want to be taught, and therefore made it hard for her to teach. But she kind of liked the challenge…it made class much less boring when she was in the middle of teaching a lesson and a fight randomly started. Of course it also made it a little scary sometimes…since she was kind of small, compared to a lot of students there, and had honestly never been in a fist fight in her life. She was pretty much a pacifist in most ways…or just a wimp. But there was pretty good security, and her classroom was actually right next to Michaels…which she liked, because she could go into his room and just randomly talk to him whenever she wanted. She even did it when he was teaching a class. Ha. She was pretty sure that some of her students were confused about their friendship…but whatever. She loved that they were so close and so comfortable with each other, and that they had been for so many years. Most friendships disappeared or weakened over the years, but theirs was still as strong as ever. Really. She loved him to pieces…probably more than she loved her own fiancé. But in a completely different way, of course. She really couldn’t even imagine being anything more than what she was now with him…she never had. Even in her hormonal teenage years she’d never had a dirty thought over him. He was always her best friend. The guy who took her to prom when the guy she liked didn’t ask her out, and didn’t make fun of her obsession with CM punk, and let her complain about her boyfriends to him. And now he was even helping her plan her wedding…he was the best guy ever. She wanted nothing more than for him to find a nice girl who deserved him. Even if he did call her a prude on a daily basis.

Still, the wedding was a little…overwhelming sometimes. She couldn’t believe it was happening. They hadn’t even set a date yet…it was mostly just her flashing around her ring, and looking at pictures with with Michael, fawning over pretty dresses she probably wouldn’t be able to afford, talking about what they were going to eat…nothing was really going into effect yet. But god, it was already stressing her out. Her wedding. Already. It seemed way too soon…and yet she’d said yes. They’d been engaged for what, a month, and she was already having cold feet. No, they were past cold, they were pretty much freezing. She loved the guy…she really did…but she couldn’t help but wonder if she was making the right choice. Who’s to say there wasn’t a guy out there who was even better for her than her was? No one. She loved him…but she was also fully aware that it was possible for her to love someone more. Since she already loved Michael more…but in a different way. Really. And of course she hadn’t even shared these fears with Michael yet, because they were completely absurd…she hadn’t told anyone…because she was going to get over it. Really. She just needed a bit of time to think things over, and let all the hype die down. And god, Michael questioned her decision enough as it was. You think he’d be happy that his two best friends were getting married, and both seemed happy enough. She honestly thought he was just upset because he didn’t have anyone…which was why she always tried to subtly set him up with her friends…and for some reason it never worked out. Probably because she already knew they were all wrong for Michael before she even saw them together. Everyone was all wrong for Michael. She was like…a mother or something. Everyone she saw she couldn’t help but pick out their faults, at least if they were involved with Michael in any way. She didn’t even know why. It’s just the way she was.

Fresh air. She needed fresh air. Because she basically was freaking out, on her break, over wedding things. Because her mother had called and asked if she’d set a date yet, and the answer was no. She was putting that off, as pathetic as it was. And that was, of course, how she found herself outside. The weather wasn’t too bad…yet. In a few months she expected it to be. And she couldn’t help but let out a bit of a sigh as she continued walking in circles, not seeing anyone else, mumbling a word to herself every now and again. She was pretty sure that anyone around her would think she was one of the crazies from school, or something…and then she felt a pair of arms wrap around her from behind. At first she thought it was her boyfriend…no, fiance, coming to visit her. But it only took a second for her to realize it wasn’t…she’d know those arms anywhere. Especially when she felt a kiss against her cheek…from someone who probably hadn’t shaved in days. Michael, of course. “Hey.” She said, laughing a little bit and turning around to face him. He was probably the one person on earth she actually wanted to see. “I’m just taking a walk. Getting some air. Thinking. What about you?”

STATUS , done sone
WORDS , 1249 with coding
LYRICS , smile like you mean it - the killers
NOTES , omg j'adore jackael <3 i missed them

[/justify][/blockquote]

[MICHAEL AUSTIN HATCHETT]

Growing up, Michael admittedly had a lot. There was no denying that. His parents were able to give him anything he wanted the second he asked for it, and to be honest... he didn't even have to work anymore, had he decided not to. And neither would his kids, if he ever decided to have any. And their children. And their... you get my point. But the thing was, unlike say, other people who had as much as he did or more, he wasn't one to show it off. He purposely dressed up like a hobo most of the time just so whenever people heard he had money, they wouldn't treat him any differently. He noticed that a lot, about how people were suddenly all nice to him the minute they found out who his family was, which was why he exerted a rather huge effort to look like he didn't. Which was, well... just about one of the millions reasons why he loved Jackie so much. She didn't care about money, or who he was, or what he had. She cared about him, and that honestly meant more to him than anything else. She wasn't afraid to call him names, to tease and annoy him, knowing fully well that at the end of the day, he would still love her. She treated him just like everyone else... only not really, because they were best friends. God, he loved her. He really did. Practically anyone with eyes who saw the way he was with her... even the way he just looked at her immediately knew he had more than friendly feelings for her... anyone that is, except her. Why she couldn't just notice it, he had no clue. He sometimes wished she just did... just because he was honestly tired of being her best friend. Not that he didn't want it. God, no. It wasn't even like that at all. But it was more of... he was tired of her setting him up on ambush dates. Yes... ambush dates as in she told him to meet up with her in some restaurant and he'd go only to find that some new girl was waiting for him. And they never worked out anyway, so he had no idea why she kept trying. Not that he purposely acted like a douche bag to the girl... he was perfectly polite, thanks. But really, if he heard another one of her "Michael, you should meet this girl, you two would be great together", he'd just yell out that he loved her right then and there. And it was rather a good thing she didn't anymore... because she was too busy preparing for her wedding... which would quite possibly be the worst day of his life. Pretty much.

Really, he should be given some kind of epic award or something for his restraint, or the way he just managed to flash an encouraging smile whenever she asked him what he thought about her wedding dress, or the centerpiece, or the food or whatever else wedding stuff she had to think about. Damn that wedding. Damn everything that failed in his life. Damn his stupid best friend who just had to ask Jackie out and just hadto be charming and funny and practically everything that Michael wasn't. He wasn't going to deny that it hurt... hell, it hurt a lot to stand next to her and give his opinions, like he was happy for her. He was happy for her... happy that she was so happy... but at the same time, he just wanted to go... break some plates or something. Which he already did, a few days ago. God, he was pathetic for being this in love with her. She was practically off-limits. She was his best friend. Even if, hypothetically speaking, he managed to convince her that this wedding was a bad idea and she should just be with him... things would change. Everything would change. It would probably awkward... and weird. And when they decided that they should just be friends, they couldn't even go back as friends anymore. It happened all the time. Despite the strength of their friendship -- the one thing that meant more to him than anything else in the world -- who was to say that their friendship would survive it? No one, that's what. And if he lost her relationship-wise, and lost her friendship-wise... he'd lose everything, really.

But he couldn't just let her walk down the aisle to some guy that wasn't him and not do anything about it. That was just giving up, wasn't it? And Michael never gave up... at least, he tried not to. But what the hell was he supposed to do? He had tried telling her that marriage was too soon, and that she was too young... that she still needed to see her options... God, he even went as far as telling her that the guy didn't want kids, even if honestly, Michael had no clue if he did or not. He was just that desperate to end it. And he wasn't going to be lame and weird and do that thing in the movies where he dramatically entered just at the time the priest asked if anyone would object. And he'd tell her right then and there that he loved her. That was just... weird. And kind of embarassing to be honest. What happened if she said no? In front of everyone that they knew? He was better off just drunkenly flashing everyone in the reception or something. Maybe he should just leave her a letter... or something... and avoid her until... forever. Because it would be too awkward after. God, he honestly had no idea what he was going to do. He wanted her so much... loved her in every way imaginable and he was pretty sure the guy didn't even feel a tenths of how Michael felt for her. Maybe he should just go him and start smashing plates again. It weirdly made him feel better, for some reason. And he loved the smile on her face when she saw him. It was the best smile ever. And he was pretty sure she never smiled at her fiance that way. Or maybe he just thought she didn't... "I needed some... sanity. I figured this would be the best place to get it." He flashed her a sheepish smile. He honestly felt as though the longer he spent time in there, the closer he got to losing his mind completely. He impulsively wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer... in a friendly way. God. Only, friends didn't exactly do that... but they were different. They did this all the time. It was no big deal. Right? "So... how does it feel to be engaged? Is it as great as everyone says it is, because I might just... get around to doing it, too." Liar. He only wanted to marry her. But he wasn't going to do that, was he? He should just... go be a priest or something.

TAGGED
jackiebby
STATUS
finisheddd
WORD COUNT
1267
NOTE
i love them. sfm. <3

[/center]

[JACKIE ISABELLA CHANCE]

Her friendship with Michael was definitely a…different one, to say the least. She’d never had a friendship like his, ever. She was closer with him than she was her own fiance. They were completely touchy feely, which would have annoyed her with anyone else, but just came naturally when it was him. While anyone else hugging her for as long as he did would have creeped her out, she wouldn’t have it any way…and of course all their touching was strictly friendly. The kisses on her cheek, his arms around her waist, her holding his hand…or even sitting on his lap…which she’d done. Not very often, but it had happened. And it was no big deal. Really. Even if she was pretty sure her fiance - god, it still felt weird to call him that - got a little jealous of it…and the fact that she talked more to him, and more openly, but god, he was her best friend. Some ring wasn’t going to change that, and if he thought it was…well, maybe she’d give him the ring back. Wasn’t there supposed to be some bros before hoes rule? Or maybe that only counted with guys. Ha. Either way she wasn’t going to give up their friendship for anyone or anything, especially when he was the only thing keeping her sane, while on the inside she was basically spazzing about her wedding…and not even in a good way at this point. He’d always had a sort of calming effect on her…she rarely lost her temper around him, and even less rarely lost it on him. He tended to bring out the best in her, really. Even if he constantly called her a prude…and she kind of was…there was no denying that. He made her happy, really, even if she was just kind of naturally a happy person. Not overly happy or anything…but he did make her that happy. She didn’t even know why. Maybe because he always said the right things to make her laugh…or because she just liked being around him. Or because she’d known him for so long…she wasn’t even going to try to explain it to herself, much less anyone else. Because it didn’t even really matter, at all. Although everything in their friendship mattered to her greatly…even if a lot of what was going on lately confused her. Like the fact that he seemed to be thinking of a million reasons why she wasn’t ready to get married. That she was too young, that he wasn’t right for her…even that he didn’t want kids. And the sad thing was, only the last one was a deal breaker…and Michael was right. She’d tried to bring up the topic several times and he shot her down.

Jackie had kind of always wanted to be a mother. She couldn’t even really explain why, other than the same reason she wanted to teach. She was a pretty caring person….even if she didn’t always seem it upon first impression. She actually always seemed a little awkward upon first impression, which okay, she kind of was, yes. But she was also a pretty caring individual. She liked to help people…and she liked for people to be happy. Unless those people were her parents…she was probably still like a rebellious teenager in the way that she actually liked when they were pissed at her. Too bad they were so fucking thrilled with this wedding thing…her mother would go on and on about how it was going to be beautiful, and she was so glad she was finally settling down, and blah blah blah. She was honestly done hearing about it. About how happy her mother was by the mere fact that she was getting engaged…her mother had never really approved of her friendship with Michael. Okay, maybe when they were little and he was still clean shaven and cute…but now, of course, she kind of stuck up her nose at him. And of course her father was just an indifferent bastard who, as far as he was concerned, thought Jackie shouldn’t even be in contact with them anymore because she was all grown up. Which Jackie was happy to do, if not for the fact that her mother clung onto her like a sucker fish or something. And of course her parents knew all about Michael’s family…which was probably the only reason her mother put up with him. Even if she thought he was a hobo or something…which lots of people thought, actually. Ha. It was an off day when she was walking with him through the park and someone didn’t try to give him food or money. But of course that was just one of the million things she loved about him…the fact that he was pretty much an honorary hobo. It probably looked a little funny to see him standing next to her in all his hobo-tastic glory, and she in her little dresses, with her hair neat and tidy. Although…he had definitely seen her less than neat and tidy before. Since she’d had more sleepovers with him than she had with her own fiance. And even at the age of twenty-five they were still having them.

Honestly, unlike Michael, being in the school didn’t drive her crazy or anything like that…she liked it. She liked being able to help them out, even if she wasn’t making that much money. Or so her parents were constantly complaining, she didn’t see why it mattered. She had enough for everything she wanted…even if, growing up, she’d been used to having a lot more. But whatever. She had money waiting for her once her parents died…ha. And she was marrying soon…god, every time she thought it, the thought sounded less inevitable. Wasn’t it supposed to be the opposite? Wasn’t she supposed to be giddy and happy and giggling about the big day? She was engaged…to a great guy…what was wrong with her? And yet she’d come outside for the same reason he had…to get some sanity. So she could stop thinking about the fucking wedding, god damn it. “I actually came out here for the same reason.” She admitted, laughing a little bit as she felt his arms wrap around her…which felt nice…because it always felt nice…and warm and familiar…and everything good. She couldn’t help but sigh inwardly at his question…and smile. For effect. “Yeah, it’s great.” She said simply, trying to brush off his question. With a light sigh she set her head on his chest, closing her eyes, knowing perfectly well anyone seeing this would think it was more than it was…no one understood their friendship. No one ever would. It was something special, really. “How have you been doing?” She questioned, looking up at him. “Found yourself a nice lady yet?” The question was teasing…she knew he didn’t seem to want to find a “nice lady”, she’d even tried to help him…she just didn’t know why he didn’t.

STATUS , done sone
WORDS , 1277 with coding
LYRICS , smile like you mean it - the killers
NOTES , omg j'adore jackael <3 i missed them

[/justify][/blockquote]

[MICHAEL AUSTIN HATCHETT]

It was honestly kind of sad how Michael was just... Michael. And that probably didn't make much sense, did it? But really... it was pretty obvious he was different from practically every guy out there. For one thing, he dressed like a hobo. That much was obvious. Really, it was an off-day if he walked down the street and someone didn't offer to pay for his lunch or give him leftovers or something. And the thing was, he didn't really care if people thought he was a homeless guy. And neither did Jackie anyway... and besides, it amused him whenever he happened to see their reflection on windows as they walked down a street; her in her neat and pretty dresses, all tidied up and girly and him looking like one of those hobos around here. And fine, there were times that he shaved and actually put on a nice-looking shirt and pants and that was usually when Jackie just broke up with one of her boyfriends, as if by some insane and rather pathetic miracle that when she'd see him all clean cut and shaven, she'd realize that she always loved him as much as he loved her and... that was just stupid, wasn't it? But he did it anyway... because God, maybe he was kind of stupid and pathetic, really. He knew Jackie's mom didn't like him all that much because of how he dressed -- which he didn't really care about to be honest, and he purposely would dress even more hobo-tastically whenever he visited, just so he could see the annoyed look on her face -- and the only reason she even tolerated him was because of his money. Which of course, annoyed the hell out of him. It was never because he was her daughter's best friend since practically forever, or because he made her happy and he treated her the way any girl should be treated and more... but because of what he could give. He was willing to bet everyone who knew them had a feeling they would get married eventually, probably including Jackie's mom and of course she'd just love that. Too bad he wasn't going to marry her. Probably ever. God, he hated his life. But back to him being all different from other guys. Honestly, he was just a self-proclaimed dork. He liked lame video games, not even those "manly" video games that involved him shooting aliens or zombies or... whatever they were supposed to be. He liked math. He hated sports. And he actually believed in love... which probably set him apart from, well... every guy in the world. Okay fine, maybe he didn't at first... before he realized he loved Jackie, he thought it was just one of those phase things that came and went just as quickly as it arrived, and that it wouldn't last. But his feelings for Jackie... they never left. And he was pretty sure they never would.

Was it kind of sad to say that he had never loved another girl except for her? Okay, maybe it was. To be honest, he had dated his fair share of girls, got drunk and slept around with most of them, like every guy out there but at the end of the day… he didn’t even really want any of them. He usually just dated girls so Jackie would stop setting him up with girls that she found from God knows where, or just to make everyone shut up about the possibilities of him being gay. He liked girls, thank you very much. He happened to think the girl who played Georgina in Gossip Girl was cute… which made him sound like a pedo, but you get the point. And he only watched Gossip Girl because he was bored at night. He didn’t have much of a social life and his cable got like, five channels. Fail. And okay fine, he’d admit he came very close to if not actually loving a girl other than Jackie… once, or twice. But it never worked out. Really, if that wasn’t a sign that he was meant for her, he didn’t know what was. Both relationship with those two other girls were going great… really great. He was happy, she was happy and yet… for some reason beyond him, one of them suggested ending it and the other would just agree without even trying to put up a fight. And the thing was, he didn’t feel all too bad. He was pretty sure he was supposed to feel bad after a break-up, especially with a girl he could possibly love… only he didn’t. He simply shrugged his shoulders, told Jackie about it and moved on. Literally. It surprised her every time about how unaffected he was with relationships, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t want them. And fine, maybe he was insane for believing that he was meant to be with Jackie… but what else could this be? Really, this had always been more than just a comfortable friendship. It was so obvious. He desperately wished she could realize that… to save him from an awkward speech about the million and one reasons why he loved her. But then that would make things weird, and weird was not good.

He knew that from those romance movies she forcibly made him watch with her. It happened all the time; they were best friends who had some kind of spark or something, they decided to try out having a relationship which worked for awhile but then things got really bad and they broke up. And it was either they never worked out again or they tried going back to being friends and things ended up even more awkward or they actually got back together. But he knew that last one wasn’t even true, just so the romance movies were all… romantic and sweet and it made the viewers happy with the ending. And he honestly didn’t want to think about the possibility of them breaking up… but it could happen. It happened to his parents, and he honestly once thought that they were going to last forever because they were just perfect for each other… just like everyone always said he and Jackie were. Of course, he wasn’t just going to let them break up if they ever did… he’d fight for them, fight for whatever they had. If they were ever going to have anything… because really, the chances of that happening was becoming slim. Really, really slim. “So you finally admit this place drives you crazy too?” He couldn’t help but pull her even closer to him when she leaned her head on her chest… knowing fully well this made them look like a couple, but he didn’t care. He wanted them to think so. And God, this was just so sick and wrong of him… and he found himself abruptly pulling away, sighing loudly and running his fingers through his hair in frustration. When he spoke, he didn’t mean to sound angry or annoyed, but God. He was just so tired of this… tired of not having what he wanted. “No, Jackie. I haven’t found a nice lady. And I’ll never find a nice lady. I’ll never want anyone because apparently, the one lady I actually want… the one I’ve always wanted… I can’t have her. Ever.” And he wished she would get the message, because really, he didn’t want to yell this out right now.

TAGGED
jackiebby
STATUS
finisheddd
WORD COUNT
1340
NOTE
i love them. sfm. <3

[/center]

[JACKIE ISABELLA CHANCE]

There were certain things in her life that Jackie was always just sure of, things that she depended on being there no matter what. She wasn’t a big fan of impulsive changes in the first place…they scared her, quite honestly. But there were just a few key things she always expected to be the same. One of those things was her job…she didn’t have any intentions on switching schools, ever. Unless maybe if her fiance decided he wanted to work somewhere else, but she preferred not to think about that. Another was, of course, Michael. Ever since she’d met him he’d kind of been there for her…like her own personal rock to lean on when she was too tired to do anything else. He listened to her problems, told her that all of her exes didn’t deserve her, comforted her when she was sad, and she always just kind of assumed he was always going to be there to do all of that for her. That no matter what happened in her life she could depend on Michael to be there…as a best friend, nothing more, because she knew for a fact that anything more would just screw things up. She wouldn’t admit it to anyone, she barely even liked admitting it to herself, but there had been a few occasions where she couldn’t help but wonder what being something…else with Michael would be like. If when he held her it was in a different way, or instead of setting him up with her friends she dragged him off to meet them and showed him off to them. Or if the ring sitting on her finger belonged to him and not his best friend. But despite the fact that those thoughts popped up frequently, especially lately, when everything in her life was so confusing, she pushed them out. The last thing she needed was some unrequited feelings screwing up things now…she wanted everything to stay exactly as it was now. She wanted to have a nice, kind boyfriend…no, fiance, and the best friend ever. And she wanted him to just be that, nothing more, nothing confusing. She wanted to continue teaching a bunch of insane kids about chemicals and shit she was perfectly aware that only she cared about. She was going to spend the rest of her life like this…and while it was bound to get boring, at least it had some sort of stability.

Still, she couldn’t help but be slightly confused at moments. Like when he held her…any girl would be confused by that, really. By the strange sort of…affection that always seemed to accompany those moments, something that seemed far beyond friendship to her sometimes. Just like the moments where he’d kiss her cheek, or hold her hand, or say he loved her…or even just when he looked at her like that. His eyes always seemed to be saying more than his words could…but she never questioned it. She didn’t want to question him. She wanted everything to be perfect, like it was now. Still, she was well aware that things were going to have to change when she got married…she’d no longer be able to spend the night at Michael’s house, or walk around in his shirts, or hold his hand, or hug him for too long, or let him kiss her cheek, or even question the way he looked at her. She’d be committed, and she wasn’t going to do anything to ruin that…really, she should have been stopping it all, already. Even though it was just the way their frienship was, she was well aware that it seemed anything but friendly to most. She’d heard a million of her students whispering about she and Michael having a secret “thing”, that the thing on his finger was from him…a few had even gone as far as to ask, and she was pretty sure they didn’t believe her when she laughed their comments off politely and said no, she and Michael were just long time friends. Which was true…she’d loved him pretty much since she met him, really. Ten years ago, way back in her freshman year of high school. She couldn’t help but be drawn to him for several reasons…one being that even though he didn’t have the scruffy beard that graced his face presently, he looked different than most other people. In ways she couldn’t even begin to explain. Another had been that he was smart…most guys were total dead heads, and stupid, and she didn’t waste her time on them…except her select few male friends. Michael was the dorkiest guy on earth, and when she sat herself next to him in Math, she immediately loved him to pieces. Hearing him ramble about things she would never be able to understand for the life of her just made her realize that she and him were obviously meant to be best friends. And nothing more than best friends. Really. Despite that she treasured their friendship more than anything…more than her relationship with her fiance…he was her everything. He was her best friend. Really. She knew him better than she knew anyone.

And despite all of this she never would have expected what happened next. She knew something was wrong the moment he pulled away, knowing perfectly well that she was always the first to pull away from their tight embraces, and the minute she no longer felt the warmth of his body against hers, her lips turned themselves down in a frown. What was wrong with him? Why did he sound so angry? What was he even talking about? She didn’t even know what to say for a moment…she just looked at him in a wary way. Michael seldom got mad at her like this…and he was pretty much the one person she never got mad at. What was he talking about? But of course she knew. She spent so much of her time reminding herself that they were best friends to realize that the way he felt about her was anything but friendly…or maybe she had noticed and just pushed those thoughts away, like so many others she disregarded. “What are you talking about, Michael?” She asked in a slightly nervous way, her hand reaching out to find his and squeezing it, trying desperately to calm him down. She hated seeing him like this…hated when he acted this way towards her. “What’s wrong with you?” But of course she knew exactly what was wrong with him…and exactly what he was talking about. And she didn’t even know why she was playing stupid. And so a second later she took her hand from his and let out a sigh, wanting nothing more than for him to hold her again… “Is it me, Michael?” She asked, forcing herself to look into his eyes, desperately searching for some hint that he was joking, or that she was way off base. “Do you want me?’ A part of her wanted nothing more than for him to laugh in her face and say that she was stupid, that they were just friends. The rest of her wanted the opposite. What was wrong with her? It was like something in her had just…snapped, and she was finally letting herself feel all these things she’d refused to let herself feel. And maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. So instead of saying anything about that, she asked the most obvious question. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

STATUS , done son
WORDS , 1344 with coding
LYRICS , smile like you mean it - the killers
NOTES , awww D:

[/justify][/blockquote]

[MICHAEL AUSTIN HATCHETT]

Michael was a fairly honest person. Fairly. He told the truth ninety percent of the time, and the other ten percent was made up of white lies. Because really, who didn't say a nice little white lie every once in awhile? He wasn't the kind of person who was just blunt and said everything on his mind. He told little white lies to be polite, and though it was probably better to just be honest, he was too much a nice guy to say something that wasn't exactly.... nice. Even if it was the truth. Though he didn't need to tell Jackie all those white lies. He liked to think -- and he was -- that he was honest with her, and he couldn't possibly lie to her. It made sense; they were best friends and he was comfortable enough with her to be honest about certain things. Like... how going over to her house when her mean mom was there made him feel awkward. Or how her inviting her "fiance" over for dinner when it was supposed to be just the two of them annoyed the hell out of him... but of course, he knew she meant well with that, because they were all supposed to be just friends and it didn't mean anything. "Just friends." God, he hated that phrase. It never bothered him before but it bothered him a whole lot now. He was honestly just tired of hearing that from her whenever people asked them if they were together. Especially the students around here, who honestly seemed more interested in his not-so relationship with Jackie than in actual Math. Dallas Wells actually bugged him about it ten times this week... and yes, he actually bothered to count it. And fine, as pathetic as it might sound, Michael kind of enjoyed the fact that people thought he and Jackie were more than just friends. Or that no one ever believed her when she said she was engaged to someone else, and that neat rock on her finger wasn't from Michael and instead, was from some other guy no one ever believed existed because no one really saw him here. And fine, he couldn't help but be all smug whenever people told her that she should just be with him because he obviously cared for her... and they looked nice together, and basically echoed everything he thought about to himself when it came to her. God, he wished she would stop being so stubborn and just listen to what everyone was telling her. Instead, she just rolled her eyes, laughed and told them that it was the last thing she'd ever do... which was an insult to him, really. He had moped around his apartment for days the first time he heard her say that. And moping, of course, meant smashing plates on his sink... he didn't even know why he did it. It was expensive yes, but it made him feel better, weirdly enough.

And the sad part was, Jackie never noticed that he was all depressed and sad about something. Okay, maybe she did and every time he told her it was nothing, she'd automatically believe that it really was even though it wasn't, and she was supposed to bug him about it until he finally told her he loved her. At least, that was how it was supposed to go in his head. It was a lot easier than actually coming out and telling her he loved her more than anything in the world. It saved him from the trouble of making complicated speeches where he would most likely, choke up or something. Like he ddi during public speaking class in high school. He was never good at speaking in front of people, unless it was like... math-related or something. The thing was, Michael just wasn't very good with words. He was amazing with numbers, and he was good at dancing, or an all-around liar who had a fake smile plastered on his face every day the more this stupid wedding was talked about.... but he wasn't very good with words. He was pretty bad at it, to be honest. It was like... he had all these ideas in his head of what he was going to say, but his mind was always faster than his mouth and he ended up saying gibberish and not making any sense. Which again, was another of the ten million reasons why telling Jackie how he felt was just a bad idea to begin with.

And for the longest time, all he could do was just stand there and mentally kick himself in the balls. What was wrong with him? He had spent far too much time denying that this was nothing, denying that he felt anything for her when she teased him, denying that telling her might actually be a good thing... denying so many things all at once because he never denied so much in his life... and all of it was gone because he just had to be impulsive and stupid and blurt it out. And okay, he didn't exactly blurt out that he wanted her.. he wanted someone. There was a difference. But Jackie didn't see it because she already assumed it was her. Had she always known? And she was just waiting for the time that he stupidly tell her? God, it seemed like it. Fuck his life. Really. He felt her squeezing his hand, trying to calm him down somewhat and really, it just made things worse. It made him want to say even more things... things he shouldn't say at all... that it was him who loved her more than life itself, him who was there for her whenever she had her heart broken and he was never the guy she let fix it, or him who was supposed to be standing at the end of the aisle.. him who was supposed to give her his last name... God, what was wrong with him? Really? He felt her hand abruptly slip from his and he almost immediately felt lonely somewhat. She was trying to look into his eyes and he just kept averting his gaze from hers. Then she finally asked it and suddenly... it was like he just snapped and words he wasn't even thinking at the moment started coming out. "Oh believe me, I've tried. Let's see... I tried telling you at prom, but you were too busy with those other guys. I also tried to tell you when were in college a few times, but that obviously was a fail, too. And I tried telling you a couple of times after that, and you never believed me and thought I was joking..." He shook his head at her. "Why does it even matter? You're getting married. To him. I should be happy for you but God... I don't know, Jackie. I wish I didn't care but I do. Too much and..." He let out a frustrated sigh, taking a few steps away from her. "...Forget it. I should go. Forget I ever said anything." And with that, he started to walk away but he seemed to slow down with every step he took... as though he was just hoping and waiting for her to call him back.

TAGGED
jackiebby
STATUS
finisheddd
WORD COUNT
1295
NOTE
i love them. sfm. <3

[/center]

[JACKIE ISABELLA CHANCE]

Why had Jackie never noticed this? Really? He’d said he loved her a million times, and looking back, it was always pretty obvious that he didn’t mean it in the way she’d always assumed he did. She could remember him trying to drag her away from the other guys at the prom, complaining about the fact that he didn’t get to dance with her enough…but she just laughed at him and told him to stop obsessing over her, that they could have a sleep over after, like they always did. How couldn’t she have realized that he wanted to tell her something? Something that was pretty fucking big? How could she never realize? Or maybe she did…and she just pushed it into the back of her head, deciding she’d deal with it later, trying to forget about all of it…and apparently doing a fairly good job. But apparently she couldn’t deal with it later…or maybe later was now. The only issue was that because she’d refused to admit that maybe it was true, she’d never thought about what she’d do about it. Honestly, if she wasn’t engaged…if she had never met Trip, maybe she’d just…kiss him or something. And just let things happen if they were supposed to…let fate decide. Yes, she kind of believed in fate. The only thing was that she had met Trip…and she loved him, really. In a completely different way than the way she loved Michael. She was wearing a ring on her finger that clearly stated that they were in love, that they had a future, that they were going to get married god damn it. That she’d get to walk down the isle in a dress she’d been imagining since she was a little kid. And she was pretty sure he’d be a great husband…he was already a great boyfriend, a great friend, the sweetest guy ever, she loved him to pieces. He made her laugh…he made her happy…he was a lot better than some guys she’d dated in the past. But Michael did too…and Michael knew her better than everyone on earth, and he was always there for her. And it was because of this that she knew she couldn’t do anything about this. The thing she and Michael had going on was too good…as was the thing she had with Trip. Her entire life was pretty fucking kid, other than her major nerves about the wedding…and the fact that she was kind of putting it off like it was her job. Whatever. Everything was going right on track…even if her mother didn’t exactly approve of her choice of a husband. But that was all just kind of an added perk, really. Ha. She kind of lived to piss her parents off…but Michael was pretty fucking good at that too. Like when she used to bring him over for dinner and he’d purposely make himself look extra hobo-tastic…oh, why the fuck was she comparing them now? This was insane. This made no sense.

And despite the fact that Jackie was engaged - happily engaged, mind you, despite the fact that she was nervous - Michael was still the most important person to her. Which probably wasn’t right to Trip, but she could hardly help it. He was her best friend…the only person she was still friends with after all that time. Their friendship was one of the most valuable things in her life, really. Which was why she had absolutely no fucking clue what to do about…this. What was wrong with him? Had he had a few drinks beforehand or something? He didn’t seem drunk. No, she was pretty sure that wasn’t it…he obviously had some kind of pent up feelings for her…and maybe she had them for him too, it didn’t even matter, she wasn’t even sure. But even if she was sure it didn’t matter. Really. As much as a part of her wanted it to, it didn’t. She was engaged, god damn it. And Trip was a great guy, really. He was a little quirky, but that was why she loved him. And he was Michael’s best friend…and he was funny, and he was talented, and despite the fact that a part of her wanted to, she couldn’t even linger on thoughts of she and Michael for more than a second. But despite their long friendship she had absolutely no clue how to react to…this. To him freaking out, to the fact that her trying to comfort him was obviously doing the opposite. To him saying that he’d tried to tell her at prom…and all those other times. And the worst part, him telling her to forget it…him walking away. For a moment she just watched him, and then she found himself following after him, not even really thinking about it. “Wait, Michael.” She called out just before she reached him…with not much difficulty, she noted, reaching out to touch the back of his arm. And then she realized she had no clue what the hell she was supposed to say. And so she decided to just go with her gut. “I’m sorry…please don’t be mad at me. You’re my best friend. I hate the thought of you being mad at me. I’m sorry I never listened before, or that I changed the subject, or didn’t take you seriously, and I guess I wish I did…but it’s too late now. And I’m engaged to your best friend…and I’m sorry.” At this point she was pretty much rambling and so she quickly shut up before saying more…like something about how she might possibly feel the same way, but it didn’t matter, and just sighed lightly, feeling like complete and utter trash. “We can still be friends, right? We can be like we always have been…and we can hold hands and hug and…all of that.” She didn’t mention the fact that it probably was best if they tried to forget what happened…or the fact that forgetting it was the last thing she wanted to do.

STATUS , done son
WORDS , 1008 with coding
LYRICS , smile like you mean it - the killers
NOTES , DD: brb, crying. sorry this is fail. and short. and fml.

[/justify][/blockquote]

[MICHAEL AUSTIN HATCHETT]

To be honest, Michael wasn’t used to not having whatever he wanted. No matter how much he put all his efforts into dressing and looking like a hobo and not some filthy, ridiculous guy who could have anything he wanted, as though he didn’t have enough money that could pretty much last well… for the rest of his life and beyond that, if that was possible… at the end of the day, he was kind of used to the luxuries he got from his parents, even if technically… he was already earning his own money and he didn’t need what his parents gave him. Sure, his salary was practically nothing compared to what his parents could give, but he honestly didn’t need all that much, anyway. His salary was more than enough. But the thing was, it was always kind of a comfort that he would always have his parents’ money if this teaching thing somehow didn’t work out, though he didn’t know how that could even happen because he was actually kind of really good at teaching, and he had fun doing it. And you couldn’t really blame him; he grew up with everything and more. Anything he wanted, he automatically had within the hour that he said it. And he lived that way for most of his life so whether he liked to admit it to himself or not, he was kind of used to it now. The first time he had lived out of his parents’ house and was in college was already difficult in itself, to now have someone give him anything he wanted when he needed it but he eventually got used to it. But of course, it didn’t necessarily mean that he was used to it entirely… he wasn’t. And the problem was, he pretty much had everything he wanted. And more. And now, the one thing he actually wanted that well… wasn’t even a thing, but a person… he couldn’t have. Not now, and especially not ever. How was he supposed to be a good friend to the both of them, be supportive and happy for them when he wanted to be the one who would be waiting for her at the end of the aisle… not… the guy in the sidelines? Really, he should get some kind of plaque… or statue… or monument… basically anything epic just to show that his restraint and ability to hide what he felt. Because God, it was amazing how he managed to keep everything inside, flash a supportive and cheerful smile at them like he wanted nothing more than his two best friends together… but God, he couldn’t do it anymore. Not when she knew this way. He knew he couldn’t pretend now… especially for her… even if he tried. He would always remember that she knew and he would resent the obvious fact that she was going to have future with Trip and not him even more

And what was he supposed to do? Stand there and play pretend, and not care that she was okay with him constantly getting hurt every time he watched them together? How could he possibly not resent that? And okay, maybe it wasn’t entirely her fault. She couldn’t just drop everything for him, all those wedding preparations and Trip and her feelings for him, just because he said he loved her. Even he knew that but God, it didn’t hurt to dream and hope that it would happen, didn’t it? Sure, it was unrealistic and kind of stupid to expect that much, but you couldn’t blame the guy. He had loved Jackie since he knew her, which was practically all of his life to be honest… and he had always kind of pictured that he moment he would tell her how he felt, she somehow felt the same way. He now realized that was a stupid fantasy he played out too much in his head… a fantasy that would never happen. She was going to marry Trip. She loved him. Not Michael. Why was it so hard to grasp that concept? It wasn’t that simple and easy to just… accept something like that. A part of him wanted to fight for her… wanted to convince her that she was wrong for marrying him… that she should marry Michael because God, they were perfect for each other – everyone with eyes knew that… he loved her… but why should he even bother fighting for her? She was obviously in love with him, and so was Trip… with her. And God, it wasn’t even fair for his other best friend. He was obviously going to have to take the high road for this… pretend like it never happened, no matter how much it hurt. God, she had hurt him so much more than anyone or anything else did, and she didn’t even know that she was. It was just insane how he could still love her after all this… after she pretty much just ripped out his heart and stomped on it a million times – metaphorically, of course. And the worst part was, Michael knew he would always love her. He would never be able to love anyone else… it was just impossible. He had tried a million times and it just didn’t happen – which also meant that he was always going to be affected by this… he would always get hurt when he saw the ring on her finger, the smile on her face whenever she was with him, the kids they would probably have, and he would never be allowed to show it... Really, of all the things he had to be deprived of in his life, it was this. It wasn’t fair. At all. He hadn’t expected her to follow him, but he had almost expected those words from her… and they hurt even more when she actually said them. He screwed his eyes shut and opened them again, not knowing what to say. What was he supposed to say to something like that? Somehow, the word okay just didn’t seem to cut it. So did a million other things.

[/b]“Don’t remind me…”[/b] he mumbled rather sourly at her mention of her being engaged to his best friend. How many times did he have to be reminded of that? Until someone actually and literally took his heart out and stabbed it? God… she didn’t even know how this was making him feel… like he or his feelings would never be enough for her. “No, Jackie…we can’t go back to being what we were. You know that everything’s going to change now. Don’t even try to deny it… we can’t hold hands anymore. Or hug. Or have sleep-overs, or anything else that we used to do. It’s not just the fact that I’m not allowed to anymore… I just can’t… literally. I can’t do all those things without feeling something else for you. And it’s not fair for you or Trip…” What was he supposed to say now? Was he ending his friendship with her? God, he didn’t even know. It sure seemed like the right thing to do… even though every part of him was dying to beg her to change her mind about this… to at least think this over. But for some reason, he didn’t. He gently disentangled his arm from her grasp. He let out a sigh. “Just promise me you’ll be happy with him, okay? That’s all I want for you.” He smiled sadly at her, his gaze falling on her ring again, and then back to her. “I’ll… see you around.” He turned around to leave… only… he couldn’t bring himself to. Not entirely.[/blockquote]

TAGGED
jackiebby
STATUS
finisheddd
WORD COUNT
1383
NOTE
i love them. sfm. <3

[/size][/center]

[JACKIE ISABELLA CHANCE]

Nothing stung more than hearing him say they couldn’t go back to what they were…not what they are. Because it meant that they weren’t what they had been just the day before…maybe they hadn’t been for a while and she’d just been too stubborn to notice. She was sure that nothing that had ever happened to her had hurt this much…emotionally, at least. Not even if Trip decided he’d randomly call the wedding off and leave her for some young jail bait or something…if anything she’d be relieved, because this was honestly just stressing the hell out of her. Add this little…whatever was going on with Michael on top and she felt as though she was going to go insane…but at least she’d fit in with the students she taught. How had this even happened? The day before they’d been nothing. Best friends…she’d loved Trip. No, wait, she still did. No past tense…but the only issue now was that she loved Michael as well. She always had, really. He’d always been her best friend…the one person who was always there for her…and she was just now realizing it. Why did he have to do this now? Why not when they’d first met, or right when she got engaged, not months after? And why did she care so much? Why was she just how realizing why she’d put off setting a date for the wedding for so long? Because she didn’t even want it to happen…she loved Trip…she knew she couldn’t marry him. But it was too late for that now. Really. She’d said yes, she was wearing his ring, they were talking about finally setting a date, she couldn’t just go back on all that. And this was all Michael’s fault…no, wait, why was she blaming him? This was her fault. Her fault for not listening to him the millions of times he’d tried to tell her…before she and Trip had even got involved. She didn’t even know what to do with this situation. Either way she lost someone. And fine, Michael meant more to her than anything else on earth…but she couldn’t just do that to trip. What was she eve going to do? End the funeral? Go crawling off to Michael like she had a million times before only under completely different circumstances? No. no. no. She shouldn’t have even been allowing herself to think about any of this. It was pretty obvious what she had to do about this little situation that she’d landed herself in.

Exactly what she’d done a million times before. Deny everything. Play stupid. Act like she had no clue what the hell was going on…and in a way she really didn’t. None of this was making any sense to her. How could she not have realized how Michael felt? Or had she and just paid it no mind, because she couldn’t? It seemed every time she’d let herself ponder on it for more than half a second something was getting in the way…be it the fact that she had a boyfriend, or that she had Trip, or that she was engaged, or that she was too busy trying to set him up with her friends to realize that he obviously wasn’t interested in anyone…anyone but her. This was so sick and wrong…she would have been better off just letting him drop their entire friendship, which was what he was clearly trying to do. But even the thought of that hurt worse than thinking of what they had in the past tense. How could he even considering ending this? This, whatever the hell this was, was the best thing in her life. But of course that was the problem…she had no clue what this was anymore. Thinking back on it none of it even felt like they were just friends…not their hand holding, or their cuddling, or their sleep-overs, or when she walked around his house in his t-shirts…come to think of it, everything she did for him was girlfriend behavior. How had she never seen any of this? How had Trip never seen it? This was so unfair to him…the fact that she was even considering ending anything with him. She’d strung him along for…god, since forever pretty much, told him she loved him, and the whole time she’d been kind of having feelings for his best friend. And her best friend. And it wasn’t even kind of at this point in time. But the fact that Trip was the only reason she wasn’t spilling all of this out to Michael only made it harder…she was so confused about everything. She knew she loved Michael more…she’d always said she did, but in a different way. But it wasn’t even like that. Okay, it was. She obviously loved Trip in the way she’d thought she loved Michael…if that even makes any sense. Not that it mattered. She wasn’t going to hurt Trip just to make herself happy…even if it would make Michael happy too…and he was the most important guy in her life. God, this was so confusing. She didn’t even know what to do about this at this point…

And of course she knew what he said was true. Now that his feelings were known they wouldn’t be able to be the same. She wouldn’t be able to hold his hand without thinking that he wanted more…and wishing that she could give him more. She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and just forget about Trip for a moment…but she couldn’t. That wouldn’t be fair to any of them. So instead she just nodded her head in agreement, feeling completely pathetic because she was quite close to crying. Why was she even crying? She was the one who was getting least hurt in this entire situation…even though the fact that she couldn’t even be with him, ever, honestly hurt. And she wanted to promise him that she could be happy with Trip…but at the moment she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to. She knew she was going to spend their entire marriage…if it even happened, thinking about what things with Michael would have been like. Trip was a great guy…she loved him…and it wasn’t enough. And she was the worst person on earth, and honestly didn’t deserve either of them. This would have been so much easier if Michael would just start laughing and saying the whole thing was a joke, that she was so gullible. And she wanted to just say that she was going to be happy with him…and instead she just blurted out the first thing that popped into her head. “I wish I could promise you that.” It just kind of fell out…really. The insecurities she’d been hiding…about how unsure she was about her wedding, and Trip, and everything. The frown set on her lips only deepened as he said he was leaving…and turned around. Why did it feel like he meant he was leaving for good? And why wasn’t he just doing it? It would hurt much less than seeing him just…stand there. With his back to her. For a moment she just stared at him, and then she wrapped her arms around him without even thinking about it, kissing his cheek lightly. “I’ll see you later…” She murmured, pulling away and turning around to leave, not because she wanted to, because it was the right thing to do. Really. Kind of. She didn’t even know.

STATUS , done son
WORDS , 1381 with coding
LYRICS , smile like you mean it - the killers
NOTES , DD:

[/justify][/blockquote]

[MICHAEL AUSTIN HATCHETT]

Admittedly enough, Michael wasn’t an impulsive kind of guy. If anything, he thought over everything… if not too much. He wasn’t the most freakishly organized and neat guy in the world who had to-do lists for practically everything. But he was the kind of person who found it hard making it decisions all by himself. It was always a lot easier if someone else did the deciding for him, and that person was usually Jackie, and he didn’t even really disagree with any of her decisions because they pretty much agreed on anything. Who would do that for him now that their friendship was over? God, nothing stung more than the idea that he was going to lose her. Okay, maybe the idea of her not wanting him the way he wanted her stung most… but this came a very close second. Or maybe it was a tie… it probably was. Why did he even say that in the first place? He usually thought over everything before he did something, looked at it from every angle and it would take ages for him to finally make a decision… why was he saying it now? It wasn’t like he planned this to happen. God, no… never. And it wasn’t like he wanted this to happen. He was losing her… his Jackie… his best friend in the whole world, who had been there ever since he could remember. He wasn’t even used to one day without talking to her at least once and now, he was ending things… no, not even things. Their friendship. “Things” made it sound like they were dating… which they weren’t… obviously. How could he even think of ending their friendship? It was the best part of his life… hell, it made up most of his life, if not all of it. Jackie had always been there for him, she had been there in every part of his life, even the humiliating parts and now… she wouldn’t be anymore… because he was stupid enough to end it. And he didn’t exactly know why. In his defense, things would never be the same again. That much was obvious. Even if they tried to forget this ever happen and went back to being friends, it wouldn’t be the same… they would never be able to hug, or hold hands or do any of the stuff they did the same way anymore, not without it being all awkward. Not to mention the fact that even if he didn’t end this and she went off to get married, she wouldn’t have any time for him anymore. She’d be too busy being a wife, and a mother… and it was understandable. Really. But it was also inevitable and he was just… saving both of them the favor of falling apart by ending things now.

God, he couldn’t even see how this was a favor for the both of them. When Jackie was gone, he would have no one… except for Pablo, and as epic and entertaining as he was, he was no Jackie. No one would be like her. No one knew him like she did, no one saw him through his awkward puberty stages and still loved him for it, no one patiently listened to him endlessly talk about the lamest things like Math and Diner Dash like she did… no one would ever be like her. And it was hard to accept the fact that sooner or later, she would be gone. It was funny – in a non-hilarious kind of way – how, with everything that was bound to change in his life, he had always figured that Jackie would be the one thing that would never change. She would always be there, and so would their friendship. It never really occurred to him that they could both grow up, both have separate lives of their own that didn’t consist of sleepovers and movie nights and whatever else they did together, and fall apart. But then again, he had always figured he’d be the one marrying her… just like everyone else thought. God, that was just a lie, wasn’t it? All those crap about soul mates and being meant for each other, it wasn’t true at all, was it? Otherwise, he’d be the one she was engaged to and they wouldn’t even be having this conversation right now. He’d accompany her to all those wedding things not because he was her best friend and it was mandatory of him to, but because he was marrying her. It was sad how Michael had always been the one who believed in the concept of fate and destiny, and how he was meant to be with one person… and now, he was starting to realize that it was all just a joke. And he would never be with her, no matter how much he wanted to be. He should have realized that years ago, but he had just been too stubborn, too stupid to realize that real life didn’t work that way. In real life, there was no happy endings, no person he was meant to be with. As far as he was concerned, he was supposed to just find some girl he loved enough to marry. And God, he could never do that… not with the way he loved Jackie.

And he just didn’t get it… he couldn’t get how, no matter how much he loved her and how he would always, always love her… it was so easy for him to say they couldn’t be friends anymore. It had been stupid, something he said out of impulse because he was scared and he didn’t know what else to say or do… she obviously didn’t love him and he just felt like he couldn’t do it anymore and it was honestly the first thing that came to his mind and God, he was just an asshole, wasn’t he? And now, he really had no idea what to do. It really only just registered to him now that it was their friendship he was ending… more than a decades’ worth of epic friendship that could never, ever be replaced by anyone. And without that friendship, he was nothing. He had nothing. He would have to leave this school… leave this city… because seeing the smallest and seemingly most insignificant things would remind him of her and it would hurt him even more. Where would he go? What would he even do? How could even do anything without her… his best friend… the only girl he really loved more than anything or anyone? Really… how could he be so stupid… And for a second, he just wanted to take it all back… say he was just kidding, and that this was all just one big, lame joke they could laugh about tomorrow… but it wasn’t. It was real. And it was only just sinking in now. A part of him wished she would contradict him, tell him he was being ridiculous and he should stop, but she didn’t. She nodded in agreement and when he saw that she was about to cry, he couldn’t help but pull her closer to him and hold her tighter than he had ever held her, as though he was afraid to really let her go. “Please don’t say things like that, Jackie…” He quietly pleaded. It was giving him hope that she might want him like he did her… probably false hope – and really, that was just the last thing he needed right now. He looked down at her, his heart practically breaking at the sight of her eyes filling up with tears like that. God, he would always love those eyes… “Don’t cry… Please…” He said weakly, not knowing what to say. Okay, he knew exactly what he was going to say; that he loved her and he wanted to be with her, and he would do anything to make her realize she should marry him… but he couldn’t. He wasn’t allowed to. It was then that she abruptly turned around, kissing his cheek. Why did it feel like a kiss good-bye? And then he didn’t know what got over him, what possessed him at that moment but he turned around, grabbed her by the wrist to pull her to him and he didn’t even know how it happened, but he kissed her. Like a last desperate attempt to make her realize they were meant to be together.

TAGGED
jackiebby
STATUS
finisheddd
WORD COUNT
1501
NOTE
jlgjlewjglewkrj

[/center]

[JACKIE ISABELLA CHANCE]

Despite the fact that Jackie loved Trip, she really did, she was engaged to him…she couldn’t help but wonder if things would be different if she and Trip hadn’t lasted so long. The two of them had been together for years…but what if, for some reason, they’d only lasted a month and then went on to be friends or something along those lines? Would things with Michael even be like this? Would she have found some other guy and been engaged? Or even would she be with him? And why did the last one sound to perfect to her at the moment? She could see herself with Michael…she’d known him since forever, she knew everything about him, he knew everything about her…they had no problems being honest with each other. And honestly, he was the best guy she knew. He would treat her right…and he loved her. And she loved absolutely everything about him…the way he smiled at her, the way that he was the perfect height for her, his dorkiness balanced hers out perfectly. He was her favorite person on earth…he could always make her laugh, he could always cheer her up, he understood her perfectly…even if they didn’t exactly have that much in common. They were even closer than she and Trip were. She could talk to him about things she wouldn’t feel comfortable talking to anyone else about…it was unfair to Trip, but it was true. Not to mention the fact that Michael had seen her at her worst and he still loved her. He’d seen her in her freshman year of High School when she’d been slightly dorky looking, and had a bit of acne, and an oddly proportioned body. And he’d seen her when she was just waking up and had her hair messed up and no make-up on…while she could feel completely comfortable around Michael like that, even around Trip she felt embarrassed not to be wearing something on her face. She even probably spent more time around Michael than she did trip…and she could be with him for hours and not be annoyed by him. Well, in most situations. He always knew what to say to calm her down, or make her happy, and he comforted her whenever she needed it. He was always there…and she’d never even wondered why. She’d just assumed he was a good friend…but now she knew the truth. He loved her. And honestly…she was pretty sure she loved him too.

There was only one thing keeping them apart, but that thing was rather big. She was engaged…and Trip loved her, and she loved Trip. Even if at this moment she was realizing she didn’t love him in the way she needed to…and none of this was fair to anyone. It wasn’t fair to Michael, or her, and most of all it wasn’t fair for Trip. Because either way he was going to lose…if she married him despite the numerous doubts she was having, despite the fact that her heart would always belong to Michael, that wasn’t fair to him. At all. She was sure a marriage like that wouldn’t even be able to last. But if she left him for Michael that would be even worse…she couldn’t even see herself doing that. Trip was a great guy too, even if he was no Michael. And she’d known him for quite some time as well…even if she hadn’t known him as long as she did Michael. When it came down to it the only thing wrong with him was that he wasn’t Michael…and the fact that she was comparing him to Michael wasn’t fair to him at all. But he deserved someone better than her…someone who wasn’t just going to compare him to his best friend, and her best friend, a million times over…or even consider not marrying him. Yes, the thought had entered her head…and not just right now, not just because of what Michael was saying or anything. She’d just been entirely nervous pretty much every since he popped the question…there had been probably five minutes of the giddy happiness every bride is supposed to feel before she just started feeling nervous, and unsure, and it was completely unfair to him. He was happy, always bugging her about the wedding…and it really should have been the other way around. She should have been dragging him out to look at dresses and nagging him about setting a date, not doing everything she could avoid to set one…because that meant that it would be real. She’d really be engaged, she’d be getting married…and she wanted to get married. Really, she did. Every girl on earth wanted to get married, and have that dream wedding, and live happily ever after. But as much as she loved Trip she didn’t want to marry him…despite the fact that she was wearing his ring, she knew he wasn’t the right guy for her. Not forever…he was an amazing boyfriend, he made her happy…but the thought of marrying him was scary. She knew she wasn’t going to be happy…mainly because she’d always be wondering what it would have been like if she walked down the isle with Michael instead of Trip.

So why couldn’t she just tell him that? Michael? Why couldn’t she just tell him how much she loved him, that he meant the world to her, that she didn’t want to lose him…that she loved him, and wanted to be with him. Trip. It was so unfair to Trip, that she was even thinking about any of this…or that she wasn’t the one telling Michael they shouldn’t be friends, instead she was actually thinking about the fact that her friendship with Michael meant a million times more than her relationship with Trip. She was the worst person on earth. And she had no right to be about to cry…she had two amazing men loving her…and that was the issue, that she loved them both. And the fact that the one she loved more…she wasn’t with. But it wasn’t all her fault…it was his. For being perfect for her. For making it feel so right when he pulled her close like that, being so close honestly made her feel better…hearing him ask her not to cry made her not want to. And so she was quick to wipe the one tear that managed to fall from her face, hoping he didn’t have a chance to see it, and shaking her head sadly. And then…she was unsure what happened. One moment she had been ready to walk away and hopefully forget all of this, the next minute she felt his hand on her wrist and her lips were against his. For a moment she just froze up, stiffening…and then she couldn’t any more. She relaxed, her hand moving up to cradle his cheek, kissing him gently at first…and then somehow she got to the point where she was parting his lips. She wasn’t thinking about how wrong this was…about the fact that she was engaged, and Trip didn’t deserve this…and that Michael was her best friend, and it was wrong. At least not until she pulled away breathlessly…and she knew she should have pulled away but she didn’t. For a moment she just looked at him…and while she should have been more confused in this moment, she wasn’t. The kiss had pretty much cleared everything up. But it didn’t matter. She couldn’t do this…to trip. “I can’t do this.” She murmured lightly…but she kissed him once more on the lips, quickly and gently. She couldn’t even bring herself to move…it felt so right to be so close to him. But at the same time she couldn’t bring herself to say any of the million thoughts that were running through her head.

STATUS , done son
WORDS , 1428 with coding
LYRICS , smile like you mean it - the killers
NOTES , DD:

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